Transition to Turmoil? Part 2

January 25, 2024

How Changing Schools Can Affect Youth – Part 2 of 3



While your kiddo’s potential challenges are understandable, and can edge on the realm of “normal,” they should be taken seriously.  Moving to a new school can be a huge transition for some kids, and we must remember that children often lack the foresight and wisdom we have as adults.  When looking back on our own childhoods, we often realize how manageable it actually was in comparison to adulthood’s typical struggles.  However, we can’t forget that children lack the point of comparison!  We must meet our kids where they are, and respect the fact that this is a new scenario for them.  Experience yields confidence, and kids are obviously much less experienced in life than adults; therefore, we cannot expect them to automatically feel confident that their challenges are overcome-able.  For the good or bad or ugly, society has changed significantly in the last 20+ years, and an important factor in strengthening your relationship with your child is realizing that their childhoods -are- different.  Sure, there are repeating themes or emotional ailments from generation to generation, but honoring the fact that your child’s struggles are new & difficult to them will help you gain ground as a trusted resource, rather than be seen as a disconnected parent who “doesn’t understand.”


 Considering the reason for the change is pivotal when figuring out how to combat the negatives they may experience; a child who is changing from public to private school for academic reasons may have different struggles than a kiddo whose family is moving to a new state due to their parent’s employment changing.  While most children will experience similar issues, some of the underlying causes can further complicate overcoming–and sometimes recovering from–these challenges.  For example, a form of grief could be present in many children due to the “loss” of their friends/teachers/or comfort zone, but will be massively present in those who, in addition to the school struggles, are also dealing with the death of a parent.  If your child seems to have a major mood or behavior change following the move, seek professional help.  Parents often have their own challenges to deal with, which can result in the child keeping their mental health issues under wraps until it has progressed significantly.  Check in with your kiddo regularly to ensure they are doing okay, and to reinforce the belief that you are there to support and help them through this transition. 


 
Ways to ensure your child’s positive progression include:

  • Fostering open communication
  • Maximizing stability at home
  • Supporting kiddos through their good AND bad
  • Reinforcing the ideas of love & their ability to overcome challenges


If you feel that you struggle personally to implement the above. Family counseling is a reliable and structured way to get support and work together as a family!


December 7, 2024
Written by: Summer Ladd, LPC- Associate
January 16, 2024
How Changing Schools Can Affect Youth – Part 1 of 3
September 18, 2023
When you think of a setback, do you see an insurmountable barrier, or an opportunity? Oftentimes, challenges that arise in our life can cause us to veer off of the path we were going on. This can be a relatively mild inconvenience, like when you forget to press “start” on the oven timer and the lasagna gets burnt to a crisp. Do you see this as a disaster? Do you think, “of course I messed it up, like always?” Or maybe, go into a panic, thinking “we’ll starve if there is no lasagna!” Or do you see it as an opportunity? Something like, “oh crap, I screwed up the lasagna… Well, now we can try that new Thai takeout down the street!” Sure, you may feel bummed out, annoyed at yourself, or sad because you really wanted lasagna, but the difference is whether you allow these feelings to continue and manifest into something deeper, or if you learn to accept the situation, shrug it off, and move on. This may be a silly example, but the underlying message rings true. Fact 1: The lasagna is inedible. Fact 2: You cannot un-burn said lasagna. Fact 3: Your reaction to the burnt lasagna will determine how the rest of your evening goes. Will you be angry, frustrated, or disappointed for the next several hours, or will you realize that stuff just happens sometimes, get your (equally delicious) Thai food, and order an automatic kitchen timer on Amazon while slurping noodles? You are “allowed” to be upset about the dinner path changing, but the difference is asking yourself what those feelings actually do for you? The facts are the same, regardless of your feelings about them. 90% of the time, a challenge or mistake in life unfortunately cannot be undone. The only control we have over the situation after the fact is how we react to it and move forward. Whether a small problem or a life-changing occurrence, the shift in mindset–or “reframing”–of these situations can have a huge impact on our wellbeing. I’m sure you’ve heard the statistics about stress leading to heart disease, high blood pressure, chronic fatigue, etc. But have you heard that other studies have shown stress to have a positive impact on us? The key difference is how we think about, or frame, stress in our lives. Those who believe stress is negative & harmful, will show signs of harm. However, those who frame stress as positive, i.e. as a motivator, a survival tool, etc., actually show positive health characteristics such as increased focus, increased blood flow, and the release of endurance hormones. As with most things in life, too much of something can have negative effects. The same rings true with chronic stress, but having the understanding that temporary stress is not inherently harmful can literally change the way your body reacts to it, and therefore not cause additional stress just from being stressed! Got it?? Things that happen in our external lives are sometimes out of our control, but most of what goes on in our internal lives can be modified. For example, seeing the need for a new dinner option as a chance to try something different. This type of mindset is applicable in many everyday “stressful” situations; in traffic, we can be angry about the slow downs, or we can see an opportunity to listen to a new Spotify podcast or playlist. At a restaurant, we can be frustrated & impatient that the kitchen is backed up, or we can see an opportunity to spend extra time chatting with the family/friends that joined us. Either way, our attitude about the situation will likely not change what is happening, but what it will do is affect our physiological responses to the situation, and our mindset/mood both during and after the situation has passed. Setbacks of any proportion, from small troubles like dinner & traffic, to life-altering challenges like a medical condition, have different impacts on our life. However, the mindset shift of “barrier” to “opportunity” rings consistent. Being angry at the world will not change a diagnosis; however, seeing a chance to become healthier & appreciate each day is life-changing in itself. Remember this quote from Brian Tracy: “A comeback is always stronger than a setback.” --Emily Hill, QMHP
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